Things to do in Ikea (without getting kicked out)

1. Eat meatballs (and variations of it)

2. Let the kids eat breakfast

3. Experiment being in a domestic relationship
4. Get emotionally ready to be working a low-wage job as a cashier if college doesn't turn out well

5.  Exercise facial expressions while on the poop bowl

6. Try out sofa spots for a family of five 

7. Find out the best kind of mosaic tiles for what-am-I-doing-with-my-life shower moments

8. Practice being a diva for those occasional backstage moments

9. Take a nap with a giant sausage thing

10. Ask the fox what it really said

11. Decide whether reading bedtime stories to your kids is for you

12. Face your ophidiophobia

13. Play football

14. Discover a whole new world of shopping when you shop for kids

15. Go for isolation therapy

16. Conclude with an obnoxious mirror groupie